Archive for the ‘Big Brother’ Category

The Bear Hat strikes again

January 31, 2010

I could make this post all about how Katie Price’s man won Celebrity Big Brother last night but let’s just take a moment to think about what’s really important here.

Cast your eyes to the lovely lady in the crowd on the right hand side of the picture.  She is wearing The Bear Hat.  I directed your attention to The Bear Hat when Katy Perry was photographed wearing it.

The Bear Hat is everywhere.  Not only do I own one myself, half the world seems to be wearing it.  I spot it daily in the city I live in, on both males and females and I am very much enjoying the fact that the world is experiencing The Bear Hat Love.

Long live The Bear Hat!



Jade Goody has cancer

August 19, 2008


Jade Goody has been diagnosed with cervical cancer.  She received the news in India while participating in their version of Big Brother.  The clip apparently shows her being called to the diary room , after which she becomes hysterical and tells her fellow housemates: “I have cancer.” She has now left the house.

I’ve never hidden my dislike for Jade Goody in this blog.  I think the woman has absolutely no shame and needs to remove herself from the public eye.  But all the celebrities we love to hate – Jade, Kerry Katona, Paris Hilton etc … well, they’re still people.  

I guess what I’m trying to say is – no one deserves cancer.  Not even Jade Goody.

Hope she gets better soon, especially for the sake of her kids.

It’s time for another reality rant

June 18, 2008

At the weekend I very nearly gave in to Big Brother, because I was visiting my mother who has it on 24/7.  All I can gather so far is that there’s another mouthy twat driving everyone up the wall and a big loveable Thai chick who gets turned on by cookies. 

However, I was pleasantly surprised to see the token blonde “hottie” is surpassing her stereotype.  Instead of admiring her reflection every two seconds as past “good-looking” housemates have been prone to doing, she seems to have gone the other way by not washing the entire time she’s been in there.  Her hair looks greasy and limp and her makeup looks days old.  Yuck.  But really, that’s all I can say about BB for now.  It hasn’t sucked me in yet.

But let’s get onto Britain’s Next Top Model.  Sigh.  Oh my next Top Model, how you have betrayed me.  Only yesterday I was talking about my undying love for you and then you have to go and get rid of Charlotte, the one last actual human being.

I mean, how can I have much more respect for a program that suggests that this girl:

Is more attractive than this girl?:

So now the sweet and pleasant Charlotte has gone we’re left with ‘fake fake fake’ Rachael, up-her-own-arse Stefanie, moody brat Ally and bitch-face Catherine.

Hmm… anyone else get the feeling that the girls are being kept in on their personalities rather than their looks?  Basically, the four most argumentative, bitchy and arrogant girls are left.  And it doesn’t even make good TV anymore.  Watching Ally and Catherine blatantly lie when they deny everything nasty they have said and done made me cringe last night. None of these girls deserve to be where they are.  The only one that is even beautiful is Ally, but watching her talk, and knowing her personality makes her immensely unattractive.

If I have to choose between the four girls however, I’ll go with Catherine.  Not only are redheads hot but she called Rachael (in the first picture, above) a ‘bumhole.’  The bitch in me gave her a big pat on the back for that. 

Lohans are losers, Britain’s next top models are bitches

June 11, 2008

Reality TV really is soul-destroying at times.  No, I haven’t succumbed to Big Brother.  Yet.  However on Sunday I did try to sit down and watch a whole episode of Living Lohan, purely so that I could come on here afterwards and bitch about what a bad mother Dina Lohan is.  But not even for that worthy cause could I get to the end of the episode. 

Which Lohan is the celebrity again?

In fact it was less than ten minutes of irrelevant screen-shots of framed pictures of Lindsay and Aliana trying to sing “hip-hop” before I decided that I’d rather go and look at the door my significant other had just painted.  There was no need to watch any more Lohan magic anyway – the whole point of the show is that 14 going on 40 Ali wants to be just like her big sister.  Mission accomplished, seeing as she’s already wearing the entire Boots counter on her face and sings like a strangled feline.  Nothing else left to see.

Ali Lohan, 14.  Yes, one-four. Really.

But I had no problem watching my usual Monday night fix of reality mess last night.  Oh Britain’s Next Top Model, I think I love you.  The tacky shoots.  The ridiculous judges.  The brainless bitching.  Every time we say goodbye, I yearn for more of you until our next rendezvous. 

Alex, miserable cow.

As the show is knocking off more and more wannabes, the cats are really getting their claws out.  Last night sour-puss Ally totally mauled saucy Stefanie (but not to her face of course).  She called her a ‘ho’, and ‘fat’, hissing: “I may be too big for the catwalk as well, but I can lose weight – she can’t lose bone.”  Saucer of non-fat milk at table number five please!  It’s ok though, when Stefanie finally finds out what Ally’s been saying behind her back she can at least retaliate by saying she has better teeth.  Ally, if you’re so perfect, get those gnashers fixed.  I’ve seen straighter rows in a medieval graveyard.

Big Brother nine has usual unlikeables

June 6, 2008

Big Brother nine started last night, and no, I didn’t watch it, because I’m going to let the natural order of things take over.  You see, the same thing happens every year.  At first I avoid it like the plague because I refuse to entertain the notion that the freaks that go on there warrant any attention.  But, because I’m a sucker for trashy magazines that happen to cover every last fart in the house, I end up knowing about the characters in there anyway. 

So then, I end up in front of the TV when it’s on (which is literally 24 hours a day) and I get sucked into an episode. Then that’s it. The tidal wave of hate that consumes me makes me feel so alive I just have to continue watching.  Big Brother makes me feel, man.

 This year’s token deluded bimbo

But I’ll only really get into it if there are truly despicable people in there, which I don’t doubt, as they’ve covered the usual criteria by sticking in an egotistical pretty girl (who will probably open her legs in the first week), an over-the-top camp guy, a jolly rotund type and someone with a disability. Usually they just stick with mental illness, but this time they’ve really gone to town and stuck a blind albino under the magnifying glass.

This year’s token OTT camp guy

By the time the series is a few weeks in,  Britain’s blood-thirsty media will have nominated their annual national hate figure, and i’ll probably be watching, with foaming mouth, waiting for them to walk out to the vultures.  Big Brother, why must you do this to me?? 

The infuriating thing is, these idiots end up making so much money. I worked for a celeb mag last year and they paid some thick-as-shit blonde £500 a week to write a two-paragraph column. Once I had to ring her because she hadn’t emailed her words in and she was in bed with a hangover, so I ended up writing it for her!  Er wait, maybe these freaks aren’t as dumb as they look…