I was going to say this is the healthiest I’ve seen Lindsay look in a long time, but then I think even Zsa Zsa Gabor would look radiant next to Marilyn Manson.
These two look very comfortable with each other. Is it wrong that I am really, really hoping they become the next celebrity couple?
Imagine. It would be like the best social experiment ever. Or the most disastrous. Either way, it would be fun to watch.
When the world first learned that Prince William and Kate Middleton were to ramshackle themselves to one another for all eternity I was one of those people that rolled their eyes and carried on with her lives because “Who actually cares?”
Fast forward to the day before the wedding and my first thought on waking up this morning was: “Oh my God, I wonder how Kate is feeling right now?! She’s getting married TOMORROW. Oh my god, what will she wear? What shall I wear? What time should I leave the house? Should I get champagne?!!”
This wasn’t a sudden infection. I wasn’t attacked and bitten. Instead, it slowly seeped into me via osmosis and my membrane is now completely and utterly saturated with – well, acknowledgement that this wedding is a pretty big deal, at least in terms of history.
Love or hate the royal family, this is an event that will be read about in history books by our kids’ kids’ kids one day. And I know I will be one of those batty old women that talks about the ‘good old days’ when a young Prince Harry was ingesting vodka through his eyes and Queen Catherine was such a commoner she once actually shopped in clothes stores with real people and everything.
There’s something about the royal family. Something at least, to make me actually update this blog for the first time in months. Of course there will always be anti-monarchists pointing out the shagging and spending and possible alleged questions of paternity but the best thing about these people is that they’re ours. And they give us an excuse to crack out the Pimms and ‘poo and cream teas and just be completely and unabashedly English for a bit – because in an age of hoodies and political correctness gone wrong and over exposure to all things Americana it’s sometimes easy to forget some of our traditions. And I do realise I risk sounding like a middle-aged Tory in saying that but that’s part of the problem.
I can’t help but wonder how Kate is feeling right now. If I was her the general feeling of “SCORE, I get to be called a princess and have everyone comment on my lovely swishy hair” would have now turned into having the ability to do nothing other than rock back and forth in a corner and throw up every now and then. I mean, imagine – the ENTIRE WORLD watching you. People in a bazillion countries all seeing your wedding dress and forming their opinion on how you’ve styled your hair and how you’ve lost a bit too much weight before your husband-to-be has even set eyes on you in your bridal glory.
And then after the wedding. Having to do all that princess-y stuff. Always on best behaviour. The Daily Express and Daily Mail looking for every possible flaw they can highlight to prove that you are not Princess Diana reincarnated. It’s a big deal to take on.
But she seems pretty grounded and level-headed… I say purely from simply seeing hundreds of pictures of the girl over the last few months. Let’s face it, she could be a hard core raver who drinks a bottle of Jack for breakfast for all we know. But we all sort of feel like we know her because we’ve become so accustomed to her dazzling smile, classy style and ever-so-slightly dodgy way of wearing her eye-liner (you can’t be a true royal without some minor detail that humanises you a little).
So, although I was one of the ones who scorned the royal engagement, I admit it – I’m a complete sucker for the wedding and will definitely be watching with great cheer.
Good luck Wills and Kate!
Jennifer Aniston, 63, poses with her teddy bear after graduating from the Keira Knightley school of Making Your Mouth Look Like a Puckered Arsehole.
In no particular order, let’s take a look at this year’s hits and misses…
First of all, Angie-Jo wore colour. Actual colour. All over her. And she does sort of look like Ariel’s fin but we can look past this because the woman looks so much more alive when she steps away from the black.
Now, I noticed this during all the Burlesque hoo-haa but usually the moment you notice a celebrity’s weight it changes the other way about a week later – but Christina really is embracing the flesh. Of course she’s not fat but she’s a good two stones heavier than she was. She looks healthy. Good on her. And the dress is, you know, alright but it looks like her perfume bottle and that’s just tacky.
Nicole matched her dress to her skin. Doing nothing to tone down that “ice queen” image thing she’s had going on for the last decade or so.
And while we’re on the subject of undead skin tones, Leighton Meester here looked like she had her makeup done down the embalmers.
And Michelle Williams looked like a marshmallow.
And I don’t really have an opinion on what Natalie wore because I still can’t help inwardly squeeing about all her recent good news whenever I look at her because she is possibly the most fabulous person to walk the planet.
And Megan Fox has managed to mess with her face so much she now has the dreaded ‘wonk-eye’, as previously exemplified by Terri Hatcher and Paris Hilton. Except Paris’s is natural and not because of surgery so we’ll let her off. Maybe.
Lea Michele looks as annoying as her Glee character. Which, by the way, is one of the reasons why I have been absent from blogging since before Christmas. I discovered it and became obsessed.
And Amber Riley looks far less annoying and has a far nicer dress.
Meanwhile, Christina Hendricks is actually morphing into Jessica Rabbit.
And I don’t know how anyone can cover every last inch of themselves in sequins with odd shaped-shoulders and still look utterly gorgeous. But Anne Hathaway managed to. But then, she could pull off a bin bag.
Kate Beckinsale has dyed her glossy natural dark locks blonde.
And as a result looks like something between a WAG and Sienna Miller’s mum.
It’s sort of reassuring to know that no matter how long I’m gone, no matter what happens in this world, Lindsay Lohan will still continue to have overinflated lips, awful dress sense and always, always the wrong colour hair.
